Skyrim Conspiracy : Bugs in Jars of DOOM

It's a conspiracy maaaan!

There are those who are 'in' on the secret, and those who aren't.
Allow me to illuminate you, brothers, about the dark aspects and occult practices of Bethesda and all its hellish minions (designers).
This might be a conspiracy that dates back generations (or actually just since last year) but it's imperative to bring these issues to light so that we might awaken from the clouded dream we've been lulled into by sinister forces.

Prepare to be AMAZED: 

GameInformer.com:

This whole hunt started innocently enough when a Reddit user noticed that the various insect-carrying jars that you can pick up in Skyrim have runes carved into their lids. In a series of investigations that my mind can barely comprehend, runes were translated, other hints were dug up, and the lore of Elder Scrolls was scoured, eventually leading one fan to create this map:

AHA! It all makes sense now, right? No? As best I can understand, the runes point toward five towns that form a pentagram that itself points the way to a ritual that could wipe humans off the face of the planet. I don't completely follow the thread of logic behind this insanity, but feel free to read the thread on Reddit and try to for yourself.

Wooooo it challenges all your beliefs, doesn't it? All that you held dear has been torn asunder! Admit it!
Which dark forces, which manipulating demons, could have hidden such arcane knowledge? Who could have wrought such deception and intrigue? Who could have been so subversive, so underhanded, so conniving??

Blizzard. >:C



PS:
 Dear Gameinformer.com;
That is not a pentagram. That's not even a pentacle. Those are just two pentagons in a circle - otherwise known as an alchemical transmutation circle. JEEZ you gotta get this stuff right or your conspiracy won't control ANYONE.
Amateurs.

Sweet Mother: Skyrim Shadow Glitch / Bug

I've been experiencing a glitch or bug or SOMETHING in Skyrim recently that doesn't necessarily render it unplayable, but it comes close.

Shadows and lighting are giving me an issue. I've read up on the issue extensively and tried many things, to no avail.

If anyone has even heard a whisper of a rumour as to how I might fix it (without, you know, actually getting a new computer), I'll pretty much try anything at this point, including summoning the Dark Brotherhood.

Basically the lighting issue is as follows in screenshots:
And in many instances (especially interior) the pockets of lighting/shadow that are SUPER bright, or so dark I cannot see to play.

That's not rain, that's the shadows trying to slice us to ribbons.

Body lit, head shadowed.

As I turn, the darkness rotates. It isn't stationary.

Acer Aspire 5552-7858
Windows7 Home Premium/64bit
6 GB RAM, 640 GB HDD
ATI Mobility Radeon HD 4250
AMD Phenom II x4 N970
(all settings on low - Mock me for my wussy laptop if you must, but know that I'm but a humble soul and don't mind playing Skyrim on 'nice personality', as long as I still get to play it!)

Ive updated drivers, rolled back drivers, updated them again, changed graphics setting on the system, tinkered with shadow settings for game, tinkered with graphical settings for game, always keep the game 'updated' in Steam, uninstalled and reinstalled Skyrim, pounded my head on the desk, summoned hellish demons to attack puppies out of spite, and more things I shant list.

I'm assuming it's some sort of incompatibility between my graphics card, or between the drivers and the game - mostly because none of my other games are suffering. But this is a NEW thing, only having started within the last month or so. Ive played Skyrim successfully, albeit low res, since it came out.

Anyway, I'm just putting this out there in hopes that some random wandering adventurer has experienced this and has slain the enemy.


Sweet Mother Sweet Mother send your child unto me
For the sins of the unworthy must be baptized in blood and fear.

***************************


Update, Nov. 2012: Ok, so for anyone interested enough in the answer to this riddle: The problem is with my graphics card/chipset, so don't bother spending fruitless hours messing with graphics and drivers and ini settings. They won't fix this problem.
AMD have not provided a driver update for the Radeon HD 4000 series cards. They have made available updates for the 5000 and up, but if you have 4000 you're pretty much screwed. They don't seem to be compatible with the Skyrim update that came out in July 2012.

So that's about it. :/  I'm continuing to play Skyrim and I simply have to tolerate the spazzy lighting. It is annoying, but it's not a total game-breaker (although it ruins much of the immersion).
I'll wait to get any DLC until I have a new machine.

~E <3

Skyrim - Peter Hollens & Lindsey Stirling

Nirnroot Hunting

"Nirnroot is the easiest. It grows only by the water and makes a unique chiming noise. The only drawback is it won't regrow after harvesting."

―Ingun Black-Briar

So in an effort to pick enough nirnroot for alchemy (and in an effort to make it STFU "unique chiming noise" my butt - more like "irritating, nagging drone"), I went questing near riverbeds and streams.
One must always be vigilant for bears in this neck of the woods, but I wasn't particularly worried. They never follow you into the water. They're like dragons that way.

Crossed the bridge back there, after kicking some Forsworn ass. I hate how they troll bridges. What jerks! Scored a briarheart in the deal. Then ate it! Delicious.
And the look on the previous owner's face as I did so... priceless! XD

Came across this. I don't think it was a Guardian Stone. Probably just more ruins.

Wot's this? Chaurus chitin?

The lady at the lumber mill was no help. And she was mean to me! (So I stole her chicken eggs. Serves her right.)

I think this is probably a rest-spot for brigands or thrives, but there was nobody around when I got there. Good.

At the end of the day I hadn't harvested a single nirnroot, unfortunately. All I got was a sack full of mountain flower. Hmph.

I should probably try again at night when the nirnroot are more easily visible. And since I can't sleep anymore due to ... issues... *cough pain-in-the-ass-werewolf-blood cough*, I might as well spend all night sloshing about in miserably cold water looking for a Goths-be-Blighted WEED.
It's either that or vampire hunting. And I'm sick to death of those creepy bastards and their dinner parties and their fancy clothing - Boethiah take them!

Skyrim in Thaw

Well, either Alduin's Apocalypse is upon us, or it's solar flares, or it's just plain ol' good luck, but we're experiencing an early spring this year. My little corner of Skyrim continues to melt.

Dragons don't attack you when you're in the river. They don't like their meals marinated.

Man, those abandoned cabins always have angry killer bears in them. I'm gonna just go around this one. I don't need grilled  leeks THAT badly.

Animal tracks - man... this undoubtedly means I'm going to have to buy YET another horse very shortly. Stupid horse is made of glass or something....

Early spring is great! Soon, the Jazbay grapes will be in season, although I'm going to really miss Snowberry pie. :/  Oh well! Winter is always just around the corner.

Literally. It's like.. right over there.

Actual Google Satellite Image of the area.
Brace yourselves... winter is a huge wall of terrifying whiteness. And it's comin'.

Skyrim: Rant of the Bosmer

Dear Journal;

Well, I FINALLY found my bum of a husband. I was starting to wonder if he didn't like Wood Elves in general, or me in particular. Or perhaps he'd died.

But apparently he just 'got lost'; I found him moping around at the Temple of Mara in Riften. (City of Vice!)

He was pretending to not know why I was mad, which made me madder, so I firmly sent him directly to our house in Whiterun to get cookin'. No time to waste!

I don't know why these people are called 'spouses', when obviously they're just indentured servants. House slaves, really. They are restricted to the property, you confiscate their money, they cook and clean for you, and they can't leave unless under your supervision.

Hop to it! And wipe that look off your face. YOU'RE MINE NOW.

But that's the problem with finding good help - it ain't easy.

I frankly haven't got time for all this babysitting! Esbern is on my back to "save the world". Man he's OLD. I feel like I better hurry and save it before he has a heart attack.

And Delphine keeps giving me attitude. Look, lady, *I* give the attitude around here, and if you don't like it I will Fus Ro Dah you off a cliff, capiche? Furthermore, I didn't ask you and Old Man Time here to follow me around on quests. You go do your own thing. I got this.

Perhaps I can sneak away while they're not looking...

I was given a ring only to find out it's somehow magically FUSED TO MY DAMN FINGER and I cannot get it off and oh by the way it turns me into a hideous beast whenever it whims. That's been inconvenient, to say the least.

Dragons are attacking me in groups now. >.<  Just ONE dragon at a time isn't 'cool' these days I guess.

And to top it all off, multiple Daedric Princes are breathing down my neck to run their errands for them. Aren't they supposed to be all powerful? Am I missing something here? Why do they need me to do stuff for them again?
One of them actually has sent a DOG to accompany me on various missions. Is he trying to torture me? Doesn't he know I have a shaky history with canines? Or perhaps he does know. They're all pretty much jerks.

Also, I think I'm seeing things.

 
I think I need more sleep. OH NO SORRY CAN'T I'm a hideous werewolf who doesn't nap!



****

On the upside, I was able to catch a little Shakespeare In The Park:

OOoh I love this scene from MacBeth!

Skyrim: Lovin' and Leavin'

I'm well into my 153 hour of Skyrim, and am finding, like a child teetering on the precipice of adulthood, that things aren't as rosy in the world as I'd imagined.
The carefree days of whimsical bardic singing, idle wildflower picking and cozy home decorating are slipping away, and my Wood Elf's golden eyes have become a jaundiced, jaded yellow. The yellow of concern. The yellow of disappointment.
The yellow of depression.


I think it started in Riften. These things always start in Riften.

My Wood Elf had seen a darkness that she'd never experienced in her green and native land of Valenwood.

The stain of Riften is a hard one to wash away and so, to forget, she threw herself into a myriad of quests, hoping that with each fetch she would be sent farther afield, into dangerous territory. At some point, she realized that she was so dismayed by the world and all its suffering, that she was secretly and desperately hoping for that one quest that would end it all. A quest so suicidally dangerous that she wouldn't have to think about murders in Riften, or public executions in Solitude, or dead children in Morthal.

My Wood Elf, sick at heart, did the one thing that, single, unhappy women always do in these situations; She got a puppy.

She got a dog and disgusted all her friends with nauseating baby talk and endless pics of the creature on Facebook.

AWWWWWWWW!!!!! Look at that widdle guyyyy! Look at him!! Is you a good boy? YES you IS a good boy! Look at you! Look at you! Are you my schnookums? Are you? YES YOU ARE!

I will call you Charlie! Yes! And you will stay with me forever! You're such a good boy, Charlie!

Charlie! WALKIES! Come on! Let's go on a flower picking ADVENTURE!
YAY FOR CHARLIE! MUMMY LOVES CHARLIE!!!!!

Happiness, when found, is fleeting in Skyrim.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

To be honest, Charlie had been pushing his luck the entire time he'd been around (which amounted to approximately 25 minutes). If Charlie hadn't been killed by that bandit, I was going to have to resort to putting him in more drastic and life-threatening situations.
Sorry Wood Elf, the mutt had to go.

The mechanics and AI of the dogs aren't the best, to my mind.

Rather than finding them good companionship, I was constantly bothered by the noisy creature barking, chuffing and whining everywhere we went. When I was viewing rich vistas atop deliriously high cliffs, not only would Charlie not STFU, but in his attempts to be 'near' me, he kept bumping me and my horse nearly off the mountain!!!
Most frustrating (and scary).


My Wood Elf, however, was traumatized by Charlie's bloody demise, and took some time to get over the loss.  "RIP Charlie my little puddin' pop."
I insisted that the funeral involve nudging HIM off a cliff.

But in her quest to end the unhappiness she felt inside, my Wood Elf moved on.
And know what else perks up the female of the species when they're feeling low? A WEDDING!
Oh golly!!!

It wasn't too long after that my Wood Elf decided that a man about the house would put everything in perspective. She already had a beau in mind - a reasonably attractive Nord who had flattered her on many occasions (thank Mara!), and who seemed responsible and strong. Wilhelm, having his own inn in Iverstead, seemed a quiet, yet encouraging figure who could inspire a weary Wood Elf to stop staring into the maws of great beasts and yearning for the release of oblivion. (Not that Oblivion.)

Not exactly a fancy lady, my Wood Elf nevertheless became excited as the 'special day' grew near, and actually went out of her way to purchase some fine garments and hair accessories for the occasion. She annoyed all her friends with unceasing wedding-related chatter:

"No, I haven't met his parents. They're labouring in the corundum ore mines in The Rift, and can't get away. They literally can't get away. They're chained there."

"I've got a dress, but it's yellow - do you think I'll look sallow? I already look sallow? YOU BITCH that's my normal skin colour!"

"NO I WILL NOT slay that vampire and save the village children on Turdas. I've got a prior engagement that day."

Finally the big day arrived, and my Wood Elf made her way at the appointed hour to the appointed temple, to join the love of her life in a sacred and solemn vow of matrimony - whereupon all her hopes and dreams of a bright and shining future were forever dashed.

First tragedy: The over-eager Priest of Mara started the ceremony before she was even at the altar, so her 'walking down the aisle' fantasy was thrown out the window immediately.  Next, apparently Wilhelm didn't love her enough to bother even changing out of his filthy tavern attire to get married! And check out the look on his face!

Oh I'M SORRY!! Is this whole marriage thing an INCONVENIENCE TO YOU? 

  

PS: SHAVE you dirty hipster!

And as soon as the words "I do" were out of my Wood Elf's mouth, Wilhelm burst out of the temple and fled to Deities-know-where without a single word.

...

The TWO guests trickled out, embarrassed and awkward, without saying anything to the new bride.
What the hell had just happened?


In the hopes that perhaps Wilhelm had been SO excited to get to 'their' home in Whiterun and whip up some homecooked meals, my Wood Elf journeyed there only to find NO Wilhelm and NO homecooked meals, but also faithful Lydia had taken off as well.

And it was right about then she realized her horse was missing, too.  >.<

.......




Men! Ladies, amirite?
This Wood Elf now knows she can rely on only ONE person to survive: THE DOVAHKIIN.

Skyrim: The Greatest Battle

"NASA called, they want their computer back."





.

I am Dovahkiin

Here in Skyrim, things aren't ALWAYS 'kill the dragon' and 'fetch me an epic poem'.
Sometimes they're just 'walk around and take crappy pictures'.
And I don't even have my horse with me :(

NOTE:
Listen to this while looking at the pics. It'll make everything more wonderful. ^.^

Thistles and tundra cotton

Abandoned shack? Probably teeming with undead.