Skyrim in Thaw

Well, either Alduin's Apocalypse is upon us, or it's solar flares, or it's just plain ol' good luck, but we're experiencing an early spring this year. My little corner of Skyrim continues to melt.

Dragons don't attack you when you're in the river. They don't like their meals marinated.

Man, those abandoned cabins always have angry killer bears in them. I'm gonna just go around this one. I don't need grilled  leeks THAT badly.

Animal tracks - man... this undoubtedly means I'm going to have to buy YET another horse very shortly. Stupid horse is made of glass or something....

Early spring is great! Soon, the Jazbay grapes will be in season, although I'm going to really miss Snowberry pie. :/  Oh well! Winter is always just around the corner.

Literally. It's like.. right over there.

Actual Google Satellite Image of the area.
Brace yourselves... winter is a huge wall of terrifying whiteness. And it's comin'.

Skyrim: Rant of the Bosmer

Dear Journal;

Well, I FINALLY found my bum of a husband. I was starting to wonder if he didn't like Wood Elves in general, or me in particular. Or perhaps he'd died.

But apparently he just 'got lost'; I found him moping around at the Temple of Mara in Riften. (City of Vice!)

He was pretending to not know why I was mad, which made me madder, so I firmly sent him directly to our house in Whiterun to get cookin'. No time to waste!

I don't know why these people are called 'spouses', when obviously they're just indentured servants. House slaves, really. They are restricted to the property, you confiscate their money, they cook and clean for you, and they can't leave unless under your supervision.

Hop to it! And wipe that look off your face. YOU'RE MINE NOW.

But that's the problem with finding good help - it ain't easy.

I frankly haven't got time for all this babysitting! Esbern is on my back to "save the world". Man he's OLD. I feel like I better hurry and save it before he has a heart attack.

And Delphine keeps giving me attitude. Look, lady, *I* give the attitude around here, and if you don't like it I will Fus Ro Dah you off a cliff, capiche? Furthermore, I didn't ask you and Old Man Time here to follow me around on quests. You go do your own thing. I got this.

Perhaps I can sneak away while they're not looking...

I was given a ring only to find out it's somehow magically FUSED TO MY DAMN FINGER and I cannot get it off and oh by the way it turns me into a hideous beast whenever it whims. That's been inconvenient, to say the least.

Dragons are attacking me in groups now. >.<  Just ONE dragon at a time isn't 'cool' these days I guess.

And to top it all off, multiple Daedric Princes are breathing down my neck to run their errands for them. Aren't they supposed to be all powerful? Am I missing something here? Why do they need me to do stuff for them again?
One of them actually has sent a DOG to accompany me on various missions. Is he trying to torture me? Doesn't he know I have a shaky history with canines? Or perhaps he does know. They're all pretty much jerks.

Also, I think I'm seeing things.

 
I think I need more sleep. OH NO SORRY CAN'T I'm a hideous werewolf who doesn't nap!



****

On the upside, I was able to catch a little Shakespeare In The Park:

OOoh I love this scene from MacBeth!

Skyrim: Lovin' and Leavin'

I'm well into my 153 hour of Skyrim, and am finding, like a child teetering on the precipice of adulthood, that things aren't as rosy in the world as I'd imagined.
The carefree days of whimsical bardic singing, idle wildflower picking and cozy home decorating are slipping away, and my Wood Elf's golden eyes have become a jaundiced, jaded yellow. The yellow of concern. The yellow of disappointment.
The yellow of depression.


I think it started in Riften. These things always start in Riften.

My Wood Elf had seen a darkness that she'd never experienced in her green and native land of Valenwood.

The stain of Riften is a hard one to wash away and so, to forget, she threw herself into a myriad of quests, hoping that with each fetch she would be sent farther afield, into dangerous territory. At some point, she realized that she was so dismayed by the world and all its suffering, that she was secretly and desperately hoping for that one quest that would end it all. A quest so suicidally dangerous that she wouldn't have to think about murders in Riften, or public executions in Solitude, or dead children in Morthal.

My Wood Elf, sick at heart, did the one thing that, single, unhappy women always do in these situations; She got a puppy.

She got a dog and disgusted all her friends with nauseating baby talk and endless pics of the creature on Facebook.

AWWWWWWWW!!!!! Look at that widdle guyyyy! Look at him!! Is you a good boy? YES you IS a good boy! Look at you! Look at you! Are you my schnookums? Are you? YES YOU ARE!

I will call you Charlie! Yes! And you will stay with me forever! You're such a good boy, Charlie!

Charlie! WALKIES! Come on! Let's go on a flower picking ADVENTURE!
YAY FOR CHARLIE! MUMMY LOVES CHARLIE!!!!!

Happiness, when found, is fleeting in Skyrim.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

To be honest, Charlie had been pushing his luck the entire time he'd been around (which amounted to approximately 25 minutes). If Charlie hadn't been killed by that bandit, I was going to have to resort to putting him in more drastic and life-threatening situations.
Sorry Wood Elf, the mutt had to go.

The mechanics and AI of the dogs aren't the best, to my mind.

Rather than finding them good companionship, I was constantly bothered by the noisy creature barking, chuffing and whining everywhere we went. When I was viewing rich vistas atop deliriously high cliffs, not only would Charlie not STFU, but in his attempts to be 'near' me, he kept bumping me and my horse nearly off the mountain!!!
Most frustrating (and scary).


My Wood Elf, however, was traumatized by Charlie's bloody demise, and took some time to get over the loss.  "RIP Charlie my little puddin' pop."
I insisted that the funeral involve nudging HIM off a cliff.

But in her quest to end the unhappiness she felt inside, my Wood Elf moved on.
And know what else perks up the female of the species when they're feeling low? A WEDDING!
Oh golly!!!

It wasn't too long after that my Wood Elf decided that a man about the house would put everything in perspective. She already had a beau in mind - a reasonably attractive Nord who had flattered her on many occasions (thank Mara!), and who seemed responsible and strong. Wilhelm, having his own inn in Iverstead, seemed a quiet, yet encouraging figure who could inspire a weary Wood Elf to stop staring into the maws of great beasts and yearning for the release of oblivion. (Not that Oblivion.)

Not exactly a fancy lady, my Wood Elf nevertheless became excited as the 'special day' grew near, and actually went out of her way to purchase some fine garments and hair accessories for the occasion. She annoyed all her friends with unceasing wedding-related chatter:

"No, I haven't met his parents. They're labouring in the corundum ore mines in The Rift, and can't get away. They literally can't get away. They're chained there."

"I've got a dress, but it's yellow - do you think I'll look sallow? I already look sallow? YOU BITCH that's my normal skin colour!"

"NO I WILL NOT slay that vampire and save the village children on Turdas. I've got a prior engagement that day."

Finally the big day arrived, and my Wood Elf made her way at the appointed hour to the appointed temple, to join the love of her life in a sacred and solemn vow of matrimony - whereupon all her hopes and dreams of a bright and shining future were forever dashed.

First tragedy: The over-eager Priest of Mara started the ceremony before she was even at the altar, so her 'walking down the aisle' fantasy was thrown out the window immediately.  Next, apparently Wilhelm didn't love her enough to bother even changing out of his filthy tavern attire to get married! And check out the look on his face!

Oh I'M SORRY!! Is this whole marriage thing an INCONVENIENCE TO YOU? 

  

PS: SHAVE you dirty hipster!

And as soon as the words "I do" were out of my Wood Elf's mouth, Wilhelm burst out of the temple and fled to Deities-know-where without a single word.

...

The TWO guests trickled out, embarrassed and awkward, without saying anything to the new bride.
What the hell had just happened?


In the hopes that perhaps Wilhelm had been SO excited to get to 'their' home in Whiterun and whip up some homecooked meals, my Wood Elf journeyed there only to find NO Wilhelm and NO homecooked meals, but also faithful Lydia had taken off as well.

And it was right about then she realized her horse was missing, too.  >.<

.......




Men! Ladies, amirite?
This Wood Elf now knows she can rely on only ONE person to survive: THE DOVAHKIIN.

Skyrim: The Greatest Battle

"NASA called, they want their computer back."





.

I am Dovahkiin

Here in Skyrim, things aren't ALWAYS 'kill the dragon' and 'fetch me an epic poem'.
Sometimes they're just 'walk around and take crappy pictures'.
And I don't even have my horse with me :(

NOTE:
Listen to this while looking at the pics. It'll make everything more wonderful. ^.^

Thistles and tundra cotton

Abandoned shack? Probably teeming with undead.

Riften, You Bastard

I found this article particularly lol-worthy, especially since I just got finishing bitching to whoever would listen about what a shitty hole Riften is.

(Riften is no happy vacation destination.)

"I don’t care for Riften. Well, that statement isn’t really fair. I hate Riften. I hate Riften, and I wish it would burn to the ground, and I wish everyone who lives here would also burn the the ground, and I wish a bunch of giants would come and push dirt and rocks over the ashes, and I wish that whenever anyone asked about the giant dirty rock pile that smells like burnt dead bodies that sits where Riften used to be, the giants would shrug as if they didn’t know.

That’s my wish for Riften."

 ~Christopher Livingston

I didn't fare much better than poor Christopher.
Here's he only screenshot I got of Riften because I was busy being cheesed off at the irritating happenings and the deplorable beings that reside therein:

Sapphire's face might say 'piss off', but her heart says... well actually her heart says 'piss off', too.

And as far as weddings go, I don't really give a rat's ass.
I got the necessary amulet almost by accident, and I should have throttled the well-meaning monk with it.

But now that I've learned what having a spouse entails in Skyrim, I might just scoop up innkeeper Wilhelm from Ivarstead. He's affable enough, and really all that matters is if he can cook a mean Elsweyr Fondue and look good in a French Maid's outfit, amirite?

Ooh la la!

My Take: Skyrim

Awww yeahh I'm enjoying this game! Who doesn't?!  JERKS. That's who.

Since I was given Skyrim by a man-god for Christmas, I've been playing it nearly every moment I can spare. 

And that's many moments.

I was playing it so much over the holidays that after one particular session I staggered into the bathroom to brush my teeth and collapse into bed, and I was pondering to myself what flossing my teeth would grant me, skill-wise.

From speaking with others who have somehow already completed the game (?!), I've learned that my gaming style is much different from theirs. I was never one to rush through a book to 'get to the end', and I do the same thing with games. If I'm enjoying it, why would I ever want it to end?

So I'm doing all the fiddly side-quests and meandering about picking all the flowers in Skyrim. I wonder if one can get an achievement for that? >.>

This gameplay style probably would drive most gamers mad, but as I'm mad already, this behaviour only makes me stronger!!! FOOOOOOLS!  MWAHAHAAAAA!

What can I say about Skyrim as it pertains to playability, graphics, n stuff n stuff?

Not much.

I am playing it on the lowest resolution because my laptop is apparently crap. I am playing it on a lower than HARDCORE difficulty setting, because my skills are apparently crap. But I can speak for the immersion, because even while playing the vanilla game on low res and with menu lag, it's STILL incredibly immersive for me, and I adore it.

I never really got into the other Elder Scrolls titles. There was something about them that wasn't a fit for me. People might accuse me of having a 'casual gamer' mentality, and that you're not a true gamer unless you're playing something SO counter intuitive and indy and difficult and unfun that it MUST be good?.... Or maybe true gamers are just pretentious dickwads.

Whatever the case, Skyrim is an RPG that I don't find too 'talky', overwhelmingly difficult, nor boringly inane. And while it can be somewhat repetitive at times, it appears to strike the right middle ground to keep all but the most contrary reviewers appeased.

If I have complaints, it's that it is obviously made for console, as controlling it on the PC is like wrestling an angry, naked bear in an barrel of olive oil.

I'd think it was my computer alone, but I've heard similar laments from other people. 

The item and skills menu systems are ASS on the PC, but seem to work fluidly on the Xbox.

Also, the 'help' tab in the menu is no help at all. -.-  Why bother?

I've heard the whole experience can be enhanced by the much-touted mods, but we'll see. I don't appreciate games where you have to wait to get community content it to be 'good' (or even playable) - it's part what kept me away from the other Elder Scrolls games. 

Unlike others, I haven't found my copy of the game to be particularly glitchy. There have been a few instances, but nothing that turns me off playing (in fact, watching huge Mammoths spaz out and dance across the landscape is highly entertaining to me).

Now I'll astound you with thousands of amazing screenshots of my adventures:

Check out my awesomeness. Wood Elves forEVA!
Actually, I'm not all that psyched about the wood elves.  Their special ability is to befriend animals? LAAAME.

That's no moon... wait. Yes it is.

I got a staff to make a familiar. Nuts to that. I sold it immediately after conjuring this doofus. My Patronus is NOT a dog.

More pics after the break...