Fus Ro BACK : Burning Hearthfire

It's been a year of waiting, buried underground.
But now I hear a summons drumming through the rock. From within my earthy tomb I hear the call. It is once again time to wreak havoc.
Shuddering and heaving, soil erupting in all directions, I burst out into the night sky. FEAR ME!

Actually, I got access to a good computer with updatable graphics card and was finally able to play Skyrim again. I'm sure you missed me. Yes? Right?... You never called.

I ended up purchasing Hearthfire, Dawnguard and Dragonborn, and have been enjoying them - although I have much kvetching to do. What would life be without ungratefully complaining about awesome things?

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Hearthfire

When I say that I have been enjoying the Skyrim plugin "Hearthfire", that's a bit of a lie.

What I meant to say was "I don't give a damn" about Hearthfire.

Frankly, my other 10 million houses were more than enough room to store my mounds of trophies in.
I thought I would have more ability to customize the new house I was building on land just outside of Falkreath. Nope!
As per the architectural plans, you build a central hall, and then can add wings to house an armory, kitchen, or library, etc.
But even though I have more money than god, I still can't afford to put them ALL on. I have to choose between just a few, and not have an incredible sprawling KimDotCom-like mansion. :(

I guess there are people out there that enjoy fiddling around with crafting door hinges and iron nails, but the interface doesn't even come close to a Sims or Minecraft-type build-with-ease design, and fell very flat with me. What can I say? I'm not a DIY kinda girl. I have followers and minions for that kind of thing.

"Stand at the door and be ready to open it for me if I even look like I'm thinking of going out."

I spent more time asking my Housecarl to buy clay than anything else.

I have to FETCH GLASS??! *fume*

Admittedly, I do enjoy the kitchen with the delicious apple pastry things that get magically crafted by someone while I'm away.

And this brings me to my usual bout of bitching:

 - I wish more staff could be hired. The estate has a barren feel to it without people on hand to pretend to do work while I'm around. If Solitude kitchens get a chef, why can't I hire one? I'm the world-saving Dragonborn, bitch! I want servants scurrying in fear of my displeasure. I want to feel important by belittling others, dangit.

 - The front hallway is ugly and unnecessary. Who is in charge of interior design around here? I want them fired immediately.

- Like in the rest of blighted Skyrim, you cannot easily store anything in glass display cases. Whose brilliant decision was that? "We'll litter the realm with empty, unusable display cases and watch them cry in frustration! MWAHAH!" I'm sure there's a mod for it, but why in HECK is this not available in vanilla? And why is my stuff all over the floor when I get back? I placed it with CARE, damn you.

- NOT THE BEES! "A unique feature at Lakeview Manor is that you have the option to build an apiary. It comes with one piece of honeycomb and some bees." Yeah, well, nobody mentioned that the bees would be building GIANT NESTS inside my damn house as well. Now each time I return home I have to shoot down a disgusting hive nestled in the rafters and throw it into the fire, because bees are everywhere in my house, droning away and causing me to lose sleep.

Actually, I don't lose sleep because I can't actually get any resting bonuses due to my malformity.

In any event, I seldom make use of my 'home', and started using it as one does the 'stash' chest from Diablo II. Ah, good old RogueEncampment-ville. Home away from home.

One thing in particular I DO enjoy about having my own place is employing my own bard.

Llewellyn the Nightingale. AKA Fingers.

I quite like coming home from a long quest and bossing Fingers around. I'll come in the door, throw some decapitated heads on the floor for someone else to clean up, and point at Fingers. "PLAY."
He gladly (and hurriedly) complies.
Excellent.

There have been a few times when I suspect he actually has his own thoughts and opinions. I often order him to sing "Age of Aggression", and one time he raised his eyebrows and claimed in surprise "Only true Imperials request that one."
I believe the look I gave him laid to rest what I thought of his 'opinions'.

After I brought Ulfric Stormcloak's head back in a bag one day he never again voiced his observations to me. Smart man.